so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize