He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
