Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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