you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
