i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
