I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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