Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
