Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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