those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
