I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
