drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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