Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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