I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
