You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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