The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
