Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
