drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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