so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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