Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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