i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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