just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
