seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
