Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
