the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
