Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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