I am puke
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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