Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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