We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
