Will you blow on my dice?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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