Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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