In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
