just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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