Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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