Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
