I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
is wine microwaveable?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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