I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
