i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
