that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
