nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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