I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
