Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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