I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
