it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
