one might say we're banned from that church
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize