I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
