he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
