I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
