Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
