But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
