I just threw up on my dentist
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
