I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
