is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
