I need help removing her.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
