Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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