it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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