I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
