fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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