did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
