Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
