dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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