I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
