Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
