he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
