im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
