We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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