he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There's even glitter on my cock...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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