Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
