She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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